Church

Like to know how this post will look like in real when published.
So lets see what the result will be!

This is my genuine church where i got part of my spiritual education.

Together with some Coffeebar visits at YFC Eindhoven during the '70-ties and '80-ties

and some bigger events i attended .

It made me help finding my way though life,giving it a clear direction.

I do have had some difficulties with Church as a concept. The way life hardened out on me personally it helped me to curb some dogma's i had learned along the way.

And that's how i found my freedom,the weight got of my shoulder and i finally felt a renewal in my spirit. After Years i felt abandoned of what i thought was "God" until i found out that what had left me was my concept of "God" just the way i had put it together during the proces of attending church.

It's through my poems and carefully looking into nature how i found my way of dealing with God,Life,Faith,Hope,Fear,Sin,Trust,Failure,Joy,Grief,etc.

Sad Song

I used to come here often

Yesterday when i was young

I loved the peaceful quietness

But somehow it went wrong

The stillness now has changed

Into a deadly silence

Every time i try

To set foot on holy ground

The loneliness gets harder

And all my thoughts profound

There is no end in crying

You’re gathering my tears

But deep down in my foolish heart

I’ve piled up my own fears

There seems to be no comfort

In praying to the skies

Cause you’re supposed to be there

but i think it’s a lie

My spirit is unfolding

I look up to the clouds

Butt all i see is unveiled secrets

Just like my restless doubts

I’m very disappointed

In what life has brought to me

But i’m hopelessly devoted

To your love for me

I can not hide my passion

I cannot walk away

I want you just to hold me

Until the youngest day.

Testing the entrance

Sometimes we knock on the door and it never seem to open.
We keep on knocking and waiting outside.
We know ,there is someone home though.
So we wait a little longer.
Sometimes we even raise our voice and yell.
Hey, anybody home?
Come on now, i know you're there! Just open up will you?

The second scroll

I have been hesitating for a long time to open up the second scroll. I think i've waited about seven years before i even had collected enough courage to do so.
Not even realizing what i was afraid of.
Maybe i was afraid of reading about the ultimate truth? Or maybe i just wasn't ready and didn't have the right mindset to open up myself for whatever message this scroll would contain?
Anyhow this time i felt i was ready for it and slowly my paw searched for the key of the small wooden box in which i had  kept it for all these years!
O opened the box and took out the scroll.
I carefully placed it on my tabel, grabbed a chair and put aside my sword.
As i tried to reach out to open it something strange happened.
Suddenly a wind like a summer breeze came   through my window.
bringing in a fresh smell as if the air had been washed . Inhaling this clean and purified air had a strange effect on me. Like some kind of drug . Instead of making me feel  numb  it just had  the opposite effect on me. I was alert as i had never been before. I could see shining through the canvas i could see some letters like small fading shadows, forming strange words in a language i first did not understand. I took a breath, closed my eyes and thought of Aslan and what He did for us at the stone table. Tears rolled out of my eyes and i felt a lions paw upon my right shoulder and heard Aslans voice speaking to me.

Dear Reepicheep, you won't have to open the scroll at all  my son, for i am here to give you complete insight in the message it contains.
As you know  among all the Narnian animals you've been chosen to be the courts jester, the small prophet that will speak out whenever he wants to. Speaking  about the true purpose of my Kingdom. As a real nobel Narnian knight you have  obeyed like a servant. For that is what you really are, my little servant, my eyes and mouth and ears. The salt that spices up Narnian life every now and then.
Through you i see, i act and i am.  right here in this Narnian world.
Even when you think i am not present at all,   i am here with you all the days of your life. Just keep that in mind will you?

"Yes Aslan":  i nodded and didn't know where to look.

O, It is allright Reepicheep,  you can look me in the face if you like. I know all about your curiosities , your failures and your flaws, so give it a try and don't be afraid. You won't be burning to ashes , just by looking me right in my face, my dear. Have you ever wondered why it is that you have fear to take a look upon my face at all?
 You see,  your fear is just telling you everything about your inside elaborations and failures.  It is telling you all about your inner thoughts, hidden choices, unknown sins and lack and it's confronting you with your own lack of trust . It says nothing  about My state of Godliness if that was what you we're thinking! You won't be burning away just by looking at me! So, give it a try will you?

I looked up, found His eyes, and was overwhelmed by the love that was radiating from His face!
As if He could see right through me, inside of me, all around me. Like , if He was scanning every inch of my mind body and soul in just one glance, just one split second.
I immediately knew what He saw and felt so ashamed of myself but He just smiled and kept silent for a while.

You see what i think you see right know i asked?
HM hm he nodded and smiled!
You can see through my thoughts even those ehm... bad ones i sometimes have?

Ah do you have them? He replied . It is a comforting thought to know that you realize that you have them.  and even smiled a bit more.

But how can You stand there ,seeing through me, what i think, where i am afraid of. What i should have done but didn't? How can You keep staring at me and not become angry with me, my acts or lack of acts?

Well?....He smiled a litte more. I think.... it is because I love you!
Yes i definitely know it is only because i really love you!
Is that answer satisfying enough for you?

I couldn't speak, i couldn't swallow a felt on my knees and was reaching out to His paws to kiss them.
And He just kept silent, kept looking at me with such loving eyes!!

What is Art Larry Norman

the words of larry norman

what is art? - 1990
What is ART? God is the Creator of our World, Our Universe. His art is LIFE. He has made a visible world around us, full of detail and complexity, and He has lavished the same intricate care on the world outside of our periphery. High in the mountains where men seldom walk, God has always given rich colours and delicate perfumes to each flower He has made. He didn't smudge the definition, forget to cluster the priapic pistil with pollen kissed stamen simply because explorers and their sherpas might not see them.

Deep in the ocean where the pressure-per-square-inch prevents any man's eyes from watching, unseen and uncategorized fish-things enjoy their life cycle in God's gaze, particulate, fluorescent, soft-boned and shimmering in gilled glory, not for the approval of man but for God's pleasure.

Life is God's art. God has rendered His art in our universe in three dimensions; revealed Himself to us in the Trinity, Given man the triune aspects of body, spirit, soul; set us in motion on the planes of time, space and matter, bonded our entities with the protons, neutrons and electrons; translated matter catalystially into energy through proteins, carbohydrates and fats; supported our life on land, air and sea with food, oxygen and water.

He has given to man and woman a child, and the three perceptive senses of touch, sight, and sound. While textbooks errantly include taste and smell and scientists debate the presence of quarks and black holes, God moves on and doesn't move at all. He is the Alpha, The I Am, and the Omega; The Past, The Omni-Present and The Future.

There were three crosses on that hill. One man was perfect, one man repented of his imperfection, and the third man embraced his sin in willful death lock, unrepentant. Christ spent three days in the grave. He broke the gates of death and arose, sealing the resurrection, redemption, and salvation for the cause of our body, spirit and soul. Now we have good, great reason to walk in faith, hope and love in this three dimensional realm He fashioned for us. One third of the angels fell and the other two-thirds stand against them in the strength of that majority, while God sustains us as we wrestle not against flesh, or blood, but against spiritual principalities; that wickedness ascribed to high places.

What is the art of man? It is sufficient as a pale copy of God's visible Creation. No painter ever brushed, colored, and shaped at his canvas with any original vision. No sculptor molded the clay, chiseled the marble, or smelted the metal with any unimaginable result. We are God's unbound art, His Creation. Let us reflect this in our own art; His Love, His Mercy, His Forgiveness.

Larry Norman - East Berlin 1990

What's this?

Something's going on
I don't know what it is but it's getting stronger
Something's on the move
from outer space or through time
either or it won't take any longer
but if it arrives
there's no place to hide
darkness will fade into the brightest light

Have i seen the white witch?

Walking through the forest i realize i haven't seen the white witch for a long time.
Better be not, 'cause she is a hell of a person to deal with.
She can be so persistent and disturbing, just when she whispers in your ear.
Sometimes it's like she's really inside your head, where she keeps on nagging you about the most trivial subjects you can't even imagine.
What kind of clothes you wear,the right matching color of your shoes or boots or whatever you have down there on your feet or need i say hoofs.
She 's constantly accusing you of things you haven't done and thats the most difficult part of her. She knows it all too well for every other person to say. What to think or not to think.
She can really be a pain in the @#ss sometimes.
I know as a talking animal we should be using bad language but hey, what would you do?

Turning my back

I became so tired of observing mankind that i turned my back on them.
Instead i walked through the forest looking for fauns and fairies but they too seem to have faded away. As if they  were just something of the dim and distant past, before the medieval times, where witches took a hold on solid Narnian ground.
As a result of this , i withdrew myself and searched for a cave to stay in during winter.
I gladly found shelter in a long deserted small cave. It as still furnished with a small bed,a stove and some chairs and a table to sit at.

On this there was lying seven  old scrolls with things written on them.
As i opened one of the scrolls suddenly a fire began to burn in the chimney at the back of the room.
As i was reading on a face was revealing itself through the flames.
It seemed to be saying something to me.
Dear Reepicheep, listen well to what i tell for no one ever heard these words.
Be the jester of this court, be the prophet of these woods be the fool for everybody to laugh about but be aware of the strength that will guide you.
I will make you the first speaking animal ever in Narnian history, to enter the great borders of this empire. You will be the first speaking animal that will see the great emperor face to face and live.
I also will give you the talent of using your mouth as a two edged sword.
For i have seen your struggle, i have felt your pain and i have ordained that you are worthy , above all other animals, to be the first.
As i finished listening to this voice the face disappeared from the flames and i found myself transfigured,almost glowing in this small dark cave but that also faded away soon.
I put the first scroll aside and was hesitating to start reading the second scroll and decided to wait till the next morning. It was getting pitch dark outside and it was time to close my eyes for a good night sleep.

Until i will wake up i'm under the eye.
Sleep tight and good night!

TUMNUS TALK

Every now and then i desperately need a chat with someone here in Narnia.
It was a relief to meet this little daughter of Eve recently down by Lantern Waste..
I invited her into my cave to have a nice cup of tea with me.
First she was a little cautious but i didn't blame her for that. I mean look at me , a faun, not so easliy to fall in love with so te speak.. .
Hairy legs form hip to toe and out of my face a beard does grow
Anyway she was here now and we had a nice and quiet conversation next to the fireplace.
We talked about the Tune  that we all heard at the very beginning of Narnia. After that we talked about , the abscense of Aslan and His second coming.
I do believe He wil come again you know.
I hope she does  believe it to.
I also hope you all believe it is true .
Anyway i couldn't help the feeling as if we were standing upon a treshold of new times in Narnia.
It  was still winter and cold as always. But the flames form the fireplace got me warm and comfy. The hot tea we drank helped to warm us up and hearing and seeing here smiling  helped a lot.
How simple happiness can come over you with just a simple soul to talk to, to communicate, someone who listens to you . That,  my dear friends is what we are all here for. To communicate, for communication is talking to eachother , to meet the other person and to meet and to communicate is to love.
Hail Aslan

It's all about time!!

Time and time again we try to walk the way of God.
Or if we don't believe we try to walk according to ur own rules, principles or whatever guidelines we fancy.
Time and time again we go astray,leaving our own chosen pathways and values we have and apply.
In short we are not living what we preach. This goes not only for christian brothers and sisters but also for politicians who change direction make choices not by their own principles but acording the actual political status quo.
What is right or wrong depends on what kind of decision is more profitable to my party or dominion, my family or my company.
This mechanism is everywhere. We do not lead a life that's true .

We leave track of "good" whatever we think of as "good" and we change priorities just like that.
We can't be trust on what we preach. Honestly we can't.
Unless we try to walk in Christ's spirit and let His spirit be our guideline, transferring our souls,bodies and mind into trustworthy creations that obey Him and His commandments.
Thats love one another and love God above all.
Larry Norman sang about it in these words:" Why don't you look into Jesus, He's got te answer."
Never thought i would write words like this but i did and i hope somewhere out there is someone who will read these lines and starts thinking and rethinking his thoughts according to Jesus.
Just giving it a second thought and trying to reposition toward what is told and written in the bible.
Do realize Church is something completely different than Jesus.
One can be hurt by church as an institution,its members who are just broken and sinfull people themselves.
That's not what i'm talking about.

Just take another closer look at Jesus and what he has said and done during his life here on earth and what happened to his story ,his followers after He died and resurrected from the dead.
I hope you will be able to see the same things or at least similar that i see while looking in that mirror.

selah and have go at it!

Water into wine.

Just reading in john 2 verse 1-12. Where Jesus changed water into wine!
A strange passage kept pondering me!
.
Where it says that the steward calls for the groom and says:"Everyman serves the good wine fist... but you have kept the good wine until now'"
This the first of His signs , Jesus did at Cana.

Does this perhaps mean that God has given us the poor wine first (this life on earth) and is going to give the best wine afterwards when we are in heaven?
Why was this the very first sign of all the wonders Jesus did? As a kind of hint of what yet is to come?


Think about it  and let me know your views.




selah.

Walking the way of the Lord ( an honest selfexploration)

Trying to walk the way of the Lord.

It’s a difficult thing to do.

It’s mostly about missteps,not dying to myself and trying to  leave behind  the truly bad things .Leave it up to God to handle so to speak.Now, how difficult could that be.

While i’m hearing  myself saying these words i realise that i failed again. 

But...

Praise God, we may lean in Him and be embraced by His  grace for He already knows in advance that we’ll never gonna make it on our own.

In Christ we are free to come to God, to pledge for mercy, for forgiveness and to repent our sin.

What i learn from this is that the more i dare to trust in Him, the more things will work out better in the end. 

It’s a kind of  healing process that cleanses my soul while crawling towards the lamb. 

Not that this leaning in Him will be a recipe for succes. No, no.

But leaning on God, trusting Him and be aware of my dependence on His grace and Love helps me through these troubled and stressfull moments.

These  days,  make me humble and aware that we are priviliged people that we may know and love God as He loves us in Christ. 

That He has sent Christ the  King to this earth.

That Jesus left heaven to come into our world to set us free from ourself and be liberated people. 

Harry Mulisch ,a famous dutch novellist, wrote in his  bestseller ”The discovery of heaven” that we are all in “ the claws of God “ .

The man was a agnostic writer, lost his parents during the Holocaust and ended up with a pretty negative view on life,God , heaven and hell. He was a marvellous writer though.

But we have a much positive view on life and liberation.

Jesus Christ has liberated us  from “the claws of Satan.” 

We all know that Satan rebelled already in heaven.

That he wanted to opposed God, in trying to  be God himself.

Therefore he was banned to earth. So we can call earth his prison.

Through Eve, Satan took a hold on Eden and right after that Eve seduced Adam as well, and in doing so they took  Gods creation with them into that “ great Fall” .

Through Mary, God took a stand against brokenness of this world and His Son was born in a manger, without sin, not yet broken, to reconcile creation with it’s creator. Later on while dying on the cross He was broken for our sins and layed down His life voluntarily to mend our broken bondage we’ve ended up with.

Trying to belief this, to walk with God, every day of my life, is both a very difficult thing to do but also a blessing  to know that it is not up to us but up to God to handle.

All we have to do is surrender  us daily to the Newborn King.

Born in a manger in Bethlehem. Not only during Christmas time once a year!

I gladly kneel down,give myself to God and pray that His Spirit will create in me a clean heart.

So help me God almighty.

and God bless us all.

Time

It's all about tempo
patience and speed
about living sharing and need


present overflows the past
the future will be there at last
at the borders of an
overwhelming now
there my beiing lies
hidden in His eternity

Fit for a King

Never thougth’ would write these words

never realised how it hurts

to keep waiting for His second coming

to keep praying for this world

Never knew i had it in me

words of love and other things

calmness in a sea of chaos

it is what His spirit brings

i have searched for anything

II have found this  crown of thorns

fit for a king

I have found a cross of nails

He is the wind that blows my sails

Embraced

Embraced by His words
i lean in his arms
and i listen to His tune
every day i read my bible
every sentence i consume

truth must be somewhere between these lines
after all He turned water into wine.

Wardrobe

Leaving Shadowland

“Though our feelings come and go, God’s love for us does not.” C.S Lewis

"To be or not to be that's the question",: Shakespeare wrote some time ago.
Well to me 'to be" is one thing but " to know where to be" is a whole different kind of story.
I've been around some while now. Here in Shadowland. I've seen a lot going wrong,had a lot of arguments with fellow churchmembers and fellow believers and felt very sick for some time.
I did bad things myself,lied,betrayed and reconcilliate as well . To go short: I have sinned also
I can't resist writing down my thoughts on what i've learned from all these experiences.

MERCY

MERCY

Mercy,Mercy,Mercy
last night a dreamed
about these words
mercy mercy mercy
didn’t realise how these words
could hurt



mercy mercy mercy
out of mercy God will take my hand
out of mercy mercy mercy
will He lead me towards the Lamb

mercy mercy mercy
He keeps saying
while holding me to His chest
mercy mercy mercy
accept My mercy
and forget about the rest.


march 27th- 2010

KEEP THIS STRAIGHT

To preach
is. . .
to talk
to tell
others
to be
forgiven
in
His
Love


to hear
is. . .
to listen
to wait
for His
Spirit
to descend
from above


to live
is. . .
to reach
to commit
to wait
to yield
to die
to ourselves

“ there are ten commandments
but keep this straight
when we keep the first two
we fulfill the other eight” (Larry Norman)

One:
"You shall have no other Gods before me”

Two:
"You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I The Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate Me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love Me and keep My Commandments." (Exodus 20:4-6 RSV)


17 march 2010
Wardrobe

One must know

one must know his roots
to be capable of positioning today.
one must know its course
to prevent for taking the wrong track
one must know the right key
to prevent for singing out of tune
one must know it’s own sins
to be able to repent
one must know where heaven lies
one must know which book to read
one must know how to count
and don't stop at 144000
one must know the only way
the open door
the moving window
the solid rock

one must know but one name...

Jesus
Selah

Cross eyed forever.

and there i stood
before the man
who works with wood

a cross reflecting
in my eyes
while soldiers
put a sword
into his side
out of the wound some water came
dripping down in showers
of a healing rain


as a looked up
i saw his hands
i saw the nails
i saw the lamb
i heard him say
one last command

“ into your hand it is...
that i command my spirit....”

there wasn’t any chance that before he died
this man would leave the wood
and so he met his final hour
did he really close his eyes forgood?

and afterwards they took him down
and laid his body in the ground
death had conquered to enslave
but to be shure .....
they rolled a stone before the cave

and there i stood
before his grave
wondering how i ever
would be saved. . . .

What a mess i got myself into
what transgressions i’ve just been through
what a journey i begun
truly new under the son

i don’t believe in selfsalvation
i’m crosseyed here forgood
i don’t believe in miracles
i’m saved by him who works with wood

We are Your Reflection

We are Your reflection
every moment of our days
we must be like mirrors
reflecting You. . .
in numerous ways


All on our way to Your perfection
As the cross has pointed out
the path that we must walk
my name might just be on the roll
we’re standing on the rock

We are your hands to comfort those
who are in desperate need
we are Your salt to salt the earth
and preach to those who’ve never heard

We are Your reflection
every step of the way
We are the children of Your love
as we kneel down and pray

Dear Father who has loved us for so long
before our name was made
Dear Spirit whom i so adore
forgive us lack of aid
Sweet Jesus we repent
help us reflecting You
all our sinfull days
help us Father Spirit Holy Son
reflecting you
in numerous ways